It’s time to address my sexuality on my website and to share my coming out story. This is still an ongoing process for me, as I’m not publicly out beyond the kink community, my immediate family, and some close friends, but I will tell my story as well as I can.
Adolescent years
When I was in junior high school, I knew that I liked latex and rubber. You can read about that story in my blog post on the topic. While I considered myself straight for most of my life, I would often feel something when I saw photos or videos of guys in latex. I assumed it was the latex that appealed to me (and it does, as I do have a latex/rubber fetish) and that maybe some of my fascination with men in rubber was me fantasizing about owning gear one day. So, I wrote off my feelings and convinced myself I was only into latex.
I never dated anyone until high school. I only had one crush in my life up until that point, and it was on one of my good friends at the time. I asked her out, and she rejected me. I was in the friend zone. I eventually dated her briefly in high school, but it didn’t work out, and while we remained friends for a time, I think it ruined our relationship in the long term.
It wasn’t until my senior year that I had a true crush on someone. I wasn’t sure how to approach the situation, and I waited many months before working up the courage to seek some advice. I asked some mutual friends, and they weren’t surprised at all. They assured me that she felt the same way about me, and I asked very formally if she wanted to go to prom with me and wanted to be my girlfriend. She said yes to both, and we dated for a few months.
I thought things were going well until after graduation. My girlfriend broke up with me over text out of the blue. I never discovered why, as we never fought. There was no changing her mind, so I let it go. I didn’t speak with her for many months, and even then it was never about our relationship. I forced myself to move on.
That was the last time I dated anyone.
College years
I wanted to date in college, and a few women asked me out, but I wasn’t ready. Not because of how things went with my last relationship but because I began to worry how someone would react when they eventually learned about my love for latex and rubber. When they learned that behind my façade of nerdiness, innocence, and passion for creative endeavors, I was a freak.
I was also clueless that some of my friends at the time were into me. I didn’t find out until later. It just never occurred to me that we could be something more than close friends. I regret not recognizing this because maybe something could have come of it.
During all this time, I found myself thinking that some well-known actors were attractive, such as Charlie Hunnam, Henry Cavill, and Chris Hemsworth. But I figured anyone would have found them attractive. After all, many men have male crushes, even if they only want to date women. Still, this is when I really started to question my sexuality and suppressed my feelings.
Recent years
After college, I signed up for dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, but I only matched with a few people. My conversations never went anywhere. So, I gave up on dating. I focused on my career and creative pursuits, like writing and photography.
Over the years, I began to question my sexuality more. What if the reason I had such bad luck with dating is because I was gay? I knew it was possible, especially with the number of latex-clad men I followed on social media. Hell, it had been men in latex clothing that I discovered online when I was first curious about the material.
But I still questioned if that was true. After all, I wanted to have kids. I wanted to raise a family. I still found women attractive. Wouldn’t that automatically rule out ever being in a relationship with a man? Wouldn’t that make me heteroflexible or something?
After much thought, I realized that the only thing holding me back from embracing who I really am is the idea that I maybe wanted kids one day. Logically, there are many ways for same-sex couples to have children (such as adoption, surrogacy, etc). And even then, I wasn’t 100% sure if that was what I wanted.
I confided in a few close online friends in the kink community in the fall of 2022 about how I felt. Everyone agreed they already thought I was bisexual or gay, which helped. This is when I finally accepted the truth: I am bisexual. But it was more than that. I didn’t just like men: I might prefer to date men while not ruling out women either.
Coming out in 2023 (kinda)
It took me many months to finally work up the courage to come out. I told my parents on June 1, 2023, the first day of Pride Month. It felt wrong to see everything happening around me, all of the anti-LGBTQ+ campaigns online and around the world, and not embrace who I am.
On the evening of the 1st, I told my parents. I explained how I felt and that I’d felt this way for years, even if I didn’t fully admit it. They had a few questions, but they accepted me for who I am. They were genuinely surprised and shared their concerns for my safety, but that was it.
I didn’t plan to tell anyone else for a while, but my mom was adamant that I should tell my brothers so there wouldn’t be any family secrets. So, I did. I also told one of my friends the same day. She wasn’t surprised at all, so that made it easy.
So far, as of July 2023, that’s everyone who knows about my sexuality other than the kink community. Nobody in my life knows about my latex fetish, and I don’t plan to be as open about that. However, I know that I need to come out publicly about my sexuality in the future.
Now what?
I recently joined Tinder and Bumble again and I created a profile on Recon. I’ve had a few matches, although most people didn’t reply after my first message. Sad, but it is what it is. I’ve been chatting with some guys, two on Bumble (and therefore possibly not into any fetishes) and a few on Recon, but nothing has gone anywhere yet. No dates or plans to meet in person yet. But I’m hoping things progress soon.
As a bisexual man, I’m open to dating women as well. However, it seems to be much harder to find women on dating apps. I certainly don’t get as many likes or matches from women as I do from men.
So, that’s my story for now. I’ll make another post on this topic once I publicly come out or start dating someone. I know it will do me some good to get out there and start meeting people and living my life because I haven’t been doing that.
If this is your first time visiting my site, hello! I’m LatexRocker/Rubberium. You can check out some of my other articles to learn more about my experiences with latex and rubber and learn more about the fetish/kink community.
Thanks for reading.
